Wednesday, November 17, 2010

The Birth of...ME

The end of teacher training? Already? It's concluded and all I want to do is go back to the beginning to do it all over again, study more, not hit the wall of rebellion, and absorb more yoga. But mostly I don't want it to be over because of the bond I have made with my fellow yogi classmates and enjoying the presence of our instructor Melissa with us every weekend pouring out her knowledge of yoga and life. However all of these things are frivolous thoughts because I did the best I could at the time, and I DID create lifelong relationships with my yoga clan. If I could recommend one thing to everyone I encounter (besides raw chocolate) it would be to go through a yoga teacher training. My life has changed. I can feel it outside my body, I can feel it inside my body, I can feel it all around me. I have opened up so much internally that it has become intimidating to recognize the ghastly realizations of my discoveries since it means changing. I am a huge advocate for change, but that doesn't distort the scary factor, that leap of faith that needs to be leaped upon be it relationships, jobs, obstacles, or breaking old habits. I thought I was 'aware' before I jumped into this immersion of all that is yoga...and now I come out of it, AWARE. When you reach a higher level of awareness, brace yourself. There is no going back. These wheels are in motion and the doors that have opened to get here have now closed and locked behind me. It's time to enter the new doors that lie ahead. Patience of course must be practiced and the events that await will soon come to me. I will remain confident in the fact that I AM ME, and that I will not sacrifice that for anything or anyone. I will not say sorry for not knowing something. I will learn it and I will know it. Make a mistake, it is perfectly ok, you need some confusion so that you learn. It's all about experience. I will open-open-open my heart even if it means it's so big and vulnerable that it may scare you. Even if that means pieces of it will break, because I know that the pieces will be glued back together with more love. I'm going to remain confident and know that I can do anything, anything, anything! I can. You can. I will not question myself but rather guide myself through intuition and consciousness rather than emotions.
I'm scared to teach. I will not hide that fact. It stirs up my insides to think that people are going to seek me for learning. I need to study more, I need to mess up more. I need this to occur so that I can teach you. I want to teach yoga because yoga is the essence of life. I feel that everyone needs to dive deeper into the shimmering pool and encounter their inner peace, become aware of the meaning of life, know that within each and every one of us is enlightenment, something that cannot be reached from the material or physical world, but the world that resides deep within our layers. I want to share something so significant and life altering, something full of love and positive vibrations, something full of TRUTH and MEANING. I want to encourage my students along their path and keep them on it for as long as they are in this life.
I have no idea what is next, but I need to be prepared for everything that is coming my way, standing tall, heart shining to the world.
I have been born into a new beginning of my life...
Hello world, my name is Kristin. I am a YOGA TEACHER :)

Wednesday, November 10, 2010

The Great Wonder Wall

I haven't been posting for this latter part of my Yoga Journey, mostly because I hit a wall. A TALL, THICK, unbreakable (it seemed) wall. I rebelled against one of the things I love most, YOGA. This 'block' was big and stagnant and wouldn't budge. My mind started wandering to every other possibility I want to pursue, every place I dream of inhabiting, instead of focusing on the one thing I wanted most- to become a teacher. Wandering, dreaming mind...forever mysterious and playing around with the beautiful temptations that cross it. I stopped going to yoga all together for a week. It was my rebellion stage. I'm not really sure where it came from but it came from behind the corner and hid me from my passion. Hide and seek no more, I am determined to make it through this, even if it takes me longer than the 9 weeks. My teacher and mentor Melissa has been so wonderful and keeps telling me to see my light, that I have such a bright, blinding light. All of us do. I feel I do, but for some reason it is covered by a shade of gray in my heart. I'm trying to paint it with colors so that it vibrantly shines it's beauty, boldness, and grace. This past weekend was one of true wonder and kinetic energy. Full of birthday celebration, new friends, passion filled music, and my wonderful, beautiful mother came out to celebrate! Seeing her, let so much stress and pent up emotion pour out of me. There is something about family that cannot compare to anything else. Her being here made me feel secure and fearless. It was lovely. We had class outside on a grassy noll overlooking the ocean. I was at home in my element, as I could feel the energy flood the space around me as I instructed my admirable classmates into my very favorite of all poses-DANCERS :) Feeling the oceanic wind, smelling the salty air, gazing out into the horizon knowing there is a whole other world on the other side...so far, yet reachable, staring up at the clouds and being supported and loved by the vast universe that surrounds us as we lie on our mats in our final Savasana. Ahhh, this is magic. As if my magic mat could take me anywhere I wanted to be at that moment, but I was exactly where I wanted and needed to be. The next day of class we spent at one of my favorite places, Swami's. I threw my mat to the side and felt the sand between my toes. I drew a heart deep into the sand marking my space...closed my eyes and set my intention...to focus on the balance, the love, the gifts that come from every moment I breathe. Every practice different than the next. New day, new practice. Something positive and powerful is in the air and I have realized that this 'block' was only an illusion, just waiting to be broken down. I can do this, I will do this. This teacher training is the birth of something bigger than I can imagine. I am reaching deep inside the unknown and pulling out new surprises every time. I am so grateful for the amazing friends that I have made on this journey. My fellow yogis are beautiful, sensational, strong, teachers that I have, and continue to learn so much from. This is just the beginning for us. Wherever we are in life, see it. Recognize it. Accept it. Know that the blocks that bind us and try and stop us from pursuing our passions are not real, but ghostly images of reflections that we so easily can step through with ease and grace.
Love, Light, & Peace
-K