This is a story of how my life began again...I can recall three particular events that reached so deep inside of me that at the time I wasn't aware of the impact it would have in the unfolding of future events and my evolvement and growth into the person who I would continue to become. This by no means projects that my growth has stunted or that my evolution and purpose has come to a halt...this is just the story of how things became and continue to become! I share some personal things in this post and think it is important to share our stories because when we are in a moment of discouragment or faced with huge obstacles there is the point where we must feel inside ourselves and tune into the signs for the answers to freedom. We have the choice to re-create and start over anytime, anywhere.
Event numero uno: One day some 4 years ago I picked up an Oprah magazine and it flipped open to the article "You are your own doctor". At the time, I was partying heavily, staying up all hours of the night, ate processed food, tons of sweets and cared more about my appearance than anything. I'm not even sure I knew what a soul was then or felt my heart and I sure as hell didn't respect myself. My digestion was horrible, my skin started breaking out, I had no energy and I felt like something was very wrong with me internally. The fact that this article appeared to me meant that I was given a choice. A choice to see this as a message to change my life. And if I didn't choose to do so, well then who knows. I ate fake meat and loved vodka. I wore high heels and a ton of makeup. I fake tanned for so long that I had no idea that there was a beautiful olive glow under all of the orange. I bleached my hair and then dyed it as dark as night. My extremist personality put me in the bad health I was in and I was ready to take my life back. This is where I did the unthinkable to most of the people around me. I started eating real food. Whole foods. I ate fish, vegetables, grains, eliminated gluten and all refined sugars. I received colonics to flush out all the bad so that all the new nourishment could be welcomed in. I threw out all my chemical laden products and switched to earth friendly products. My discovery of raw African Shea butter changed my life and if I have held onto one compulsive habit it is to slather myself in this buttery love daily and I will continue to do so, hopefully forever! When I switched my diet everyone around me thought I was weird. They said, 'Oh live a little!' 'In order for me to live,' I said, 'I must do everything as close to the earth as possible, this includes what goes in and what goes on my body.' I spent about a year researching holistic ways of healing. With this self-learned knowledge and not the help of any doctor I healed myself. On this journey I learned my body and what it likes, what it doesn't. The creativity of composing food fresh from the farm with what I had on hand was the way to express myself and I thank my unhealthy path for leading me to my healthy one!
Event numero dos: My soul and heart were dormant for a long time. I remember opening up a baby book during a holiday gathering and saw myself smiling as a child and I started crying. I cried because I missed being that innocent, playful child that I longed to be again and was ashamed of the life I was living with no purpose and only intentions of consuming toxic drugs and alcohol until I couldn't remember what happened. My life was a blur and I was disappointing all the people around who actually loved me. I wanted to feel pure, full of love and be the creative child I once was. The emotions I felt while seeing a beautiful reflection of myself so young and vibrant, sparked something and opened up my heart and soul just enough to nudge me further into purpose and leave behind all that did not serve me.
Event numero tres: One evening I was in the basement of my parents house and I found a photo tucked in some stuff in a box shoved behind some other stuff. I picked the framed photo out, wiped of the dust and stared at it. It was a silhouette of a bare tree with the sunset colors of the sky in the background. I was enveloped in its stunning beauty. When turning the photo over, there was a handwritten personal message from a man and a quote by Sigurd Olson, 'The point where days are governed by daylight and dark, rather than by schedules...where one eats if hungry and sleeps when tired becoming completely immersed in the ancient rhythms...then one begins to live'. At the time I had no idea what the hell that meant. Now I have this tattooed on my body as reminder of a major turning point in my life and to stay as close to the simplicity of this life as I can because this is what truly gives me joy and meaning. I thank the man deeply who took this photo, wrote this message and for the photo finding me. The significance of this event has no doubt influenced much of where I am today.
So, here I am. There I go. Discovering all the adventures moment by moment. Being in the moment and appreciating every bit of it!
We must love ourselves fully, every part of us, including the past because it has in some way or another delivered us to this very day.
My heart keeps opening, my creativity flows more each day and the synchronicity of events keep getting more magical. I thank all the women and all the men in my life for all you have shared with me, all you have taken from me, all the reflections you have projected, all the hurt you have caused. You are all my teachers and I thank you for being a beautiful friend in this way.
May the journey continue :)
Welcome the magic~
Love,
Earth Mama
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